Divorce

In the last year three couples I know have divorced, two of which I went to their weddings and watched them do exactly what I did just over three years ago. It makes you think seeing your peers divorcing.

As a child I didn’t really see divorce, my parents are still married, coming up on 38 years in May, all my friends’ parents were still married. There was one of my mama’s friends who had divorced but I didn’t really understand it, she had always been that way to me and there was nothing odd about it. Then at 13 one of best friends told me her parents were getting a divorce, her dad had been having an affair. She didn’t talk about it much, alluded to it now and then but mostly in passing and her mum seemed to take it incredibly in her stride. I remember knowing that this woman was strong and respecting her for what she put up with and how she dealt with it.

Then the years ticked by and marriage became something my friends talked about, that I talked about with J, that we eventually embarked upon. We all knew about divorce of course but I think that it was more of an idea than a reality.

And so these three couples have been a slight shock, bringing it home that divorce is a reality. I don’t know what the statistics are these days but I know I have heard figures bandied around between 30 – 50% of marriages end in divorce. I suspect in a majority of these cases the divorce was the ‘right’ thing. That looking back both parties will appreciate that what they did was what they needed. I’ll be interested to talk to my friends in a few years and see what their thoughts are.

In the meantime I shall hope I can be there for them when they need, and I shall hug J just that little bit tighter tonight and be very grateful that he and I both still want to be in this together.

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5 comments

  1. Kirsty {a safe mooring}

    If it’s any consolation, those 50% divorce rate statistics only work out for Americans who got married young, have no college education and generally got married in the 70s and 80s (according to an incredibly thrilling APW book club book that nearly had me passed out on the floor by page 10) so I think you guys are safe. Or, as safe as any of us are – it is a very scary possibility.

    • wifenewcity

      Which book was that? I’d be interested in reading it. I don’t think I’m scared of divorce, more that I just didn’t think it would ever happen to anyone I knew, me included. I don’t know why it wasn’t something I had considered more, it happens and it can be such a good thing for the parties involved. I think I’m still processing my own thoughts on this and why it’s got the grey cells going so much. That as much as anything else intrigues me.

    • onesoul

      Was that Liz Gilbert’s Commitment – there were some handy marriage mortality stats in there – or the other one I didn’t bother to finish reading? (For Better, I think it was called?)

  2. K

    I went into my marriage at the tender age of 22 thinking, “ah well if this doesn’t work out we can always divorce” . Today is our 10th anniversary. 🙂

  3. onesoul

    Like you, I’m (thankfully) not very familiar with divorce. I think not having seen people come through it positively makes it seem like more of a disaster. Which is not to trivialise the disaster that I’m sure it is while people are going through it, but of course when it’s the right thing, it ends up being a hugely positive move allowing people to go forward with their lives, instead of remaining trapped in unhappy relationships. It still makes you reflect uncomfortably on relationship mortality, though.

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