Category: Worrying

In the middle time

I realised last I left the house purchasing stuff at waiting on paperwork. Well the paperwork went through and we exchanged contracts, so we are now in the middle time between having committed to buying the house but not owning it until a few more months because we agreed on a delayed completion.

Time to worry, plan, fret, dream and such like. It is an odd time, one where there is impending work but the exact details of which we don’t actually know. So many decisions to come. It is exciting of course, but scary too, like standing on the edge of the precipice and looking down and not being able to see the bottom…

So Pinterest has become a good friend for ideas. I have begun perusing websites I hadn’t seen before, begun looking at magazines in dentists waiting rooms which are *all* about kitchens. Who am I turning into?! We’re getting there, taking tiny steps in the right direction, zig zagging a bit here and there and inching closer still to being home owners. Exciting times.

Health

I’ve been under the weather for about 3 weeks now and after a while it really starts to get to you. Normally I’m in fairly rude health and this most recent stint of illness has made me realise how much I take it for granted that I’m healthy. It’s also made me think about how I really do need to take better care of myself.

This year has been busy, work has been intense at times, good but with no let up and I have travelled a lot. I’ve not had a holiday where I’ve had an entire week off since last Christmas when my in-laws visited. I really need a break to relax properly and give my body a little love.

I’m contemplating a cleanse, I’ve never done one before but with the illness has come very few gym visits and comfort eating so that of course means a slightly more relaxed waistline than I would perhaps like… The next few weeks are crazy busy though, we fly back to the UK for a few days to try and find somewhere to rent, then I have a work project for a week, the following week we head to San Francisco for a few days and throughout this time we also have to sort everything out to move. Fun times.

Still I can’t complain, I’m feeling better, things *are* happening and slowly but surely we’ll get there, one way or another. As a wise friend said recently you have to eat an elephant one bite at a time.

Change, change, change

With the move is coming a lot of change. We’ve done this before, admittedly only once, but this time although the same some things are slightly different. As much as change is exciting it is also unsettling. I’m mixed, one day excited the next mildly panicked. Work, housing, friendships, finances all of these things are whirling around and around. I know it will work out in the end somehow and things are falling into place slowly. Things will work out. I’m learning again that I need to bite piece by piece and work on things a little bit at a time. I’m also learning again how important it is to talk about everything. Poor J is having his ear chewed far too much. I process by talking, it helps me work out what I do or don’t want, even if it means I go round and round in circles far too often. Lots to write about once I organise my thoughts.

London – My heart is with you

I was going to tell you about my birthday weekend in NYC (which was amazing and I will write about it soon). But right now I’m processing all that has been happening in my beloved city of London and beyond in England. As I’m sure many many people are.

I don’t know what to make of what has happened over the last few days. All I know is that there clearly is a reason this happened, which we won’t be able to understand immediately. I just hope we try to understand rather than lay blame without reason.

I’ll be back in a while. I’m off to think and go and look at Zooborns and find some things to laugh about for a little while. In the meantime my heart is with everyone affected and I hope that the glimmers of light such as the huge clean up operation and the communities bought together to protect themselves can shine brighter and we can move forward positively from this somehow.

Listening

At church this morning the priest gave a sermon about listening. Really listening to what others are saying and it made me think back to a post Cate had written which to me hit the spot and again made me think about how I listen and how it really is a skill I can continue to improve on.

Part of the reason it struck a chord was because we’re in a situation where we’re having to make decisions and there are a lot of variables and therefore different approaches. I can see myself being guilty of not listening to what I don’t want to listen to. I don’t want to do this I want to listen and then to work through the issues we disagree on and hopefully come to that point where we share the idea going forward.

One suggestion this morning was this technique:
#1: Says what they think
#2: Repeats what #1 said they think
#1: Says what they think
#2: Repeats again
And so on and so forth. When #1 stops talking #2 asks ‘Is there anything more you want to say’ If not then #2 describes to #1 what #1 was saying. It is then #2’s opportunity to say what they want to with the same process, #2 speaks, #1 repeats. I was intrigued by this, intrigued because it sounds like a good idea of a way to talk about a difficult subject without reacting. And by having to repeat back what the other has said really listening to remember and think about what they’re saying rather than thinking about your counter argument.

It’s something I might try but until then I’m going to think about Cate’s bowls and trying to become a right way up no holes bowl. Hopefully in the process achieving a decision and less uncertainty, uncertainty being one thing I really really hate.

Planning

I am a planner, I like knowing what will happen, when and how. I like organising things and being in control. I don’t therefore like when things are beyond my control and I can’t plan. Hence when we were waiting for the visa decision it distressed me not to be able to plan things and have my life being decided by someone else.

I came to terms with it though, even managed to roll with it a little and after however many months of having it hanging over me, relaxed.

The thing is we’re going to get to that point again soon. We have to reapply for visas and so therefore have to try and make decisions now about things we cannot confirm and with variables we have no control over. The truth is that we don’t *have* to make the decisions now, more that I would *like* to feel like I am able to make the decisions now. So I am struggling, struggling to let go again and relax instead of trying to plan the unplannable.

I think perhaps the best plan for now is to focus on the closer things, the new job, a visit from a wonderful friend soon and not being so damn cranky because I can’t plan things, oh and toning up for summer. Now to plan for all of those…